Comedy

About three years ago I went through a phase where I watched a ton of stand-up comedy and because of my key memory, the jokes would stick with me. I would remember them from time to time and annoy my friends by retelling them. I even had to warn my new roommates about this habit of mine.

Well, I am still sort of in that phase, but I just hide it better, because I like having friends. Here are my favorites:
Demetri Martin:
Dry, witty, smart, and hilarious. He has an amazing mind.
"I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did."
"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live.'"

Mitch Hedberg:
No longer among the living. He was a million one liners, also very witty.
"Alcoholism is a disease but it's the only the disease you can get yelled at for having. Damnit Otto you're an alcoholic. Damnit Otto you have lupus. One of these doesn't sound right."
I ordered a chicken sandwich but I think the waitress misunderstood me because she said, "How would you like your eggs?" So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said "Incubated, and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked and then cut up then put onto a grill then put onto a bun. Shit, it's gonna take awhile. I don't have time, scrambled!"
And this classic-

Jim Gaffigan:
99% of his jokes are about food. Still he is very funny and I went to his show a few summers ago. Hot Pockets.

John Mulaney:
A bit newer. He is very cute and knocks my socks off on Best Week Ever.

Lewis Black:
Yay!

Joel McHale:
Of The Soup. I am seeing him on New Year's!