As Planned

After the first glass of vodka
you can accept just about anything
of life even your own mysteriousness
you think it is nice that a box
of matches is purple and brown and is called
La Petite and comes from Sweden
for they are words that you know and that
is all you know words not their feelings
or what they mean and you write because
you know them not because you understand them
because you don't you are stupid and lazy
and will never be great but you do
what you know because what else is there?
-Frank O'Hara

I should just rename this blog "Anything Frank O'Hara Has Done."
I'm writing a story in my backyard right now. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I write I get very nauseous and shaky. Granted I have anxiety (but who doesn't?) so that could be why. These past few weeks I have felt very bi-polar (which I do not have) and I think people are noticing. I'm just telling myself that if the weather stays nice and if I finish this story and if its any good, I will be okay. Even though I do not feel 'okay' and I haven't for a while. It's really fine though. This isn't a cry for attention. I'm almost hitting delete. I'm just trying to be honest.
Currently re-reading: